What's New
Version 6.9.0 · 2 days ago
• Fixed bug where poor people could sometimes win
• Improved wealth transfer efficiency by 340%
• New "Blood Money" theme for the existentially honest
• Biometric face scan now also scans for net worth (spoiler: we already knew)
• Added "Executive Class" mode for users who enjoy irony
• Removed "Trickle Down" tab — it was just empty
Ratings & Reviews
★★★★★
"This app crashed harder than the market. 5 stars. I deserved it."
847 people found this helpful
★★★★★
"Perfect for when I don't feel like 'learning' or 'thinking.' My financial advisor blocked me on LinkedIn and I have never been happier."
1,204 people found this helpful
★★★★★
"I used the profits to almost cover the losses. Incredible app. The hedge fund manager who got my rent money sent a fruit basket. I did not receive it."
3,311 people found this helpful
★★★★★
"The face scan told me my IQ was 69 and risk tolerance was 'unhinged.' Both correct. Stars deducted: zero."
692 people found this helpful
